


war is a slippery slope

by MarsSoccer



Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: Drabble, Heavy Angst, M/M, Re-upload
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 05:22:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19266688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsSoccer/pseuds/MarsSoccer
Summary: grief is the final act of love but collins wished it didn't have to end like this





	war is a slippery slope

**Author's Note:**

> hi! you might recognise large parts of this story for another story of mine - 'only the dead see the end of war' - and that's because this is essentially a retelling of it. i've changed it up a little bit because i wasn't really happy with what i wrote before. anyway, i hope you enjoy this version and as always, constructive comments and kudos are always welcomed!
> 
> feel free to message me on my tumblr - marssoccer

_Grief is the final act of love,_ Collins is told by various members of his life so he wonders if he had known that, truly known, would he have still fallen for Farrier? It doesn’t matter what his answer is because it had never been his choice to love Farrier – if he had been sane or smart, he would have walked away after that first kiss in the aircraft hangar. Instead, he had stayed and even sought Farrier out for hurried trysts in cramped closets. He’d given so much of himself and had received so much in return that he didn’t care what would happen to him if anyone found out. He didn’t care that he would be kicked out of the RAF and thrown in prison, he didn’t care that his family would probably be unable to look at him with anything other than disgust, he didn’t care all people would only see him an abomination, he didn’t care about all of that because he would have Farrier right by his side.

Farrier, who was gruff and short tempered with everyone else but became so unimaginably soft and patience at his side. Farrier, who had promised that even the Jerrys wouldn’t be able to take him away from him. Farrier, whose plane had been shot down over the German countryside on what should have been a routine mission. Farrier, who was bleeding out heavily and Collins hoped would be dead before the Germans arrived. Farrier, who was going to leave Collins all alone and there was nothing he could do.

_It wasn’t supposed to end like this,_ Collins thought bitterly. In his mind, Collins had hoped that they would both survive the war and build life together in a remote part of the country where they could live and love without fear. It was all wishful thinking, he realises bitterly, and he’d been a fool to think it would ever come to pass.

The reality of life is Farrier is going to die in this muddy field, miles away from the place he calls home and he will die in a POW camp, most likely shot in the head by a German guard, heartbroken and alone. The powers that be will tack their names onto the end of the ever-expanding list of people who have died this god forsaken war. They will be forgotten by many and remembered by a few and the world will move on without them.

Collins doesn’t think he’s ever seen or heard Farrier this scared – not even when he was shot down over Dunkirk, but death is a scary thing to stare right in the face, so Collins understands. He has always understood. He reaches out for Farrier’s hand and hold it tightly between his. He gives it what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze but deep down he knows it more for him than Farrier; after all, they have both seen enough of war to know how this will end. Still though, a man can hope.

‘Am I not deserving of any tears?’ Farrier asks, quirking his lips.

A small giggle escapes Collins’ mouth because it’s just so _Farrier_ and he is just so grateful that he was able to be a part of his life. _You deserve so much better than tears,_ Collins thinks, _you deserve smiles and laughs and happiness. You deserve everything that I couldn’t give you._

‘What makes you so special, eh?’ he shoots back, because he doesn’t want their last moments together to be heart-breaking - they began in joy so let them end in joy too.

Farrier smiles at him, his signature face splitting grin, as Collins starts to hear voices moving closer to them. _This is it,_ he thinks, _this is our goodbye._ He locks eyes with Farrier for what he knows will be the last time and gives him a soft smile.

‘I am so grateful that I could love you,’ he whispers softly.

‘You were all my dreams come true,’ Farrier tells him, his thumb stroking his hand.

The Germans burst through the line of trees all around them and Collins has never felt more alone.


End file.
